I am a bit of an expert on relationships. The not-so-good ones, anyway. If there is a way that a relationship can be a disaster, I’ve probably experienced it. It took me 46 years to meet the man with whom I will spend the rest of my life. And in those 46 years, I’ve been in a LOT of relationships. (This also applies to my non-dating social life.) Here’s a list of things I’ve learned to avoid (in no particular order):
- “You need to be more like my mom.” Sorry, I’m not your mother. I don’t want to be your mother. You already have one of those. I’m not her. And dude, seriously, this is a super-creepy vibe you’re putting out.
- “You’re just like my ex.” Uh… no, I’m not. She was her and did her thing. I am me and do my own thing. They are not the same thing. Get over it and move on, already.
- Violence of any kind. Hitting is not OK. Never, ever, ever. Neither is verbal abuse. Run away, immediately.
- “I’m better than you.” Then go find someone who’s on your level. Whatever you think that is. I’m not some kind of fixer-upper project.
- “You need to _______.” See number 4. I’m pretty OK, just the way I am. I already know what’s “wrong” with me. And it ain’t the thing you’ve decided it is.
- Frequent cursing. Yeah, I know. Those words just slip out sometimes. However, when they’re the go-to for someone’s “communication” style, watch out. There are lots and lots of words available for use that don’t involve cursing (and it’s called cursing for a reason). Start using them.
- Name calling. Again, just no. My name is Amy. Or Dangereuse. It is not bitch, whore, or any of the other “clever” things you like to call women.
- Ogling other women right in from of you. I see her, too. Yes, she looks amazing. No, I don’t look like her. But when you’re with me, show some respect.
- Cheating on or with you. Never be the “other woman”. You deserve a man (or woman, if that’s your thing) of your own. And one who is faithful. There are about 7.5 billion persons on the planet. “The one” is out there, somewhere. If you haven’t found him, keep looking.
- “You’re just a girl… you wouldn’t understand.” a. I’m a woman, not a girl. b. Not real sure what you mean by “just”. Being female doesn’t inhibit my ability to think. c. The brain is not located in the penis. I do have one (a brain, not the other). My brain works at least as well as yours does. Try me.
Catty? Possibly. But to me, these are serious red-flag, flashing-lights-and-sirens signals that your relationship has a significant power imbalance. And if you’re the one doing these things to someone else… please stop. Adults don’t treat other adults like this.
This is hardly an all-inclusive list, but it’s a start. Please, comment and add to the list.
Femme Fatale over 50 