To survive or to thrive… that is the question. As long as you are concentrating on survival, you will be unable to truly thrive. And a Femme Fatale THRIVES.
This is the first in a series of four articles about moving from survive thinking to thrive thinking. Getting out of survival mode and into thrival (I just made up a word!) mode.
Need → Require → Want → Desire
Survive →→→→→→→→→Thrive
Today’s topic: Need
I already have everything I need… and a bunch of the stuff I want. All it took for me to realize that were the words of a concentration camp survivor. And once that lesson really sunk in, my life changed. When I step away from needing (surviving), I can truly thrive.
One of the most overused words in the English language is need. “I need this.” “You need to do that.” But are those real needs?
In her book The Gift: 14 Lessons to Save Your Life, Dr. Edith Eger (who was abducted, placed in a concentration camp, and forced to entertain Himmler in order to stay alive) discusses how very little we actually need. A person needs food, water, and shelter – the stuff without which one dies. All the other stuff is something else. Here’s a shortcut: if you are going to be alive for the foreseeable future (barring sudden catastrophe), you don’t have any needs.
You don’t need money. Not one single person has every actually died from a lack of money (although not having the stuff that money buys can become quite problematic). Money is just a shortcut. It allows us to quickly acquire things instead of producing them. Buying food is much quicker and easier than growing it or hunting it. Yes, the world today runs on money and life is, in many ways, simpler because it exists. But it’s not a need.
There is a psychological reason to step away from the energy of need. Every time you declare something to be a need, your brain panics. When “I need” something, my brain goes into survival mode because I’ve just told it that my very existence is at risk. The old fight, flight, or freeze reaction kicks in; logical thinking stops. When you declare something to be a need, that means that lacking that thing threatens your survival.
I know what you’re thinking: “But if I don’t get (insert thing here), I’ll lose (whatever you’re trying to keep) – I NEED IT!!!” (example: “If I don’t get 40 hours of continuing education this year, I’ll lose my license.”) Surely these are needs… right?
Wrong! They are requirements. The only thing that will die without them is a part of your ego (story). Requirements are discussed in the next installment…
Femme Fatale over 50 