So, feelings. I’m talking about the ones we don’t like – anger, guilt, sadness, fear – those all (as near as I can tell) come pre-installed. They are natural. There is nothing wrong with you if you feel the “negative” feelings.
Anger – this comes up when your boundaries are violated
Guilt – you have done or are thinking about doing something that violates your standards
Sadness – you have lost someone or something important to you
Fear – you are in physical danger
Then there is shame. This is the feeling that you are somehow deficient, bad, inadequate… that there is something wrong with you. It is a foreign thought, an invader. It comes from outside. It’s the idea that you are too much of something (perhaps too loud) or not enough of another thing (maybe someone told you that you’re not smart enough). And it is A LIE. A lie that, once it takes hold, can spread like a virus and invade every part of your life. It’s the thing that says “not worthy” and “don’t deserve”.
This is something that seems to happen to everyone. At least, I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t think that they are inadequate in several ways. However, in any place that has been touched by Judaism and/or Christianity, there is a story that being a woman is inherently shameful. It’s an actual curse. All because of Eve.
Let’s back up a bit, though… because the story of Adam and Eve is not the first story of the Bible/Torah. Genesis 1 is the story of creation and ends like this: “God saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good.” (NRSV translation; emphasis mine) Not just good – VERY GOOD. That means you. And me. And every person who was, is, or will be. (Note – this does not mean that every deed is good, just that the person is very good as their essence.)
You are very good. You are enough. You are OK. There is nothing wrong with you.
Femme Fatale over 50 