What haven’t you forgiven?

What haven’t you forgiven yourself for? What haven’t you forgiven others for? And how much of your energy is going to the shame and blame stories?

What if you and everyone else was just doing the best they could? That doesn’t mean that what was done was acceptable… it just gives you a little space for some compassion.

I’ve spent too much of my life beating myself up for some spectacular parenting fails. But here’s the thing: I have apologized for them and admitted my part in things going wrong. I cant’ go back and change what happened. I can only do what I can to make things right now, learn from my mistakes, and not repeat them. I do this out of love for myself and my family. My time is better spent being better than dwelling in when I wasn’t good enough. I’ve been forgiven (as much as possible). My energy is better spent focusing on how to do better now and in the future than on reliving things I can’t change. It’s also better spent setting and maintaining boundaries than on dwelling on things other people have done (whether or not they recognize their fails is none of my business) that also can’t be undone.

That is what forgiveness means to me – being willing to say “Yeah, that sucked and I (or you) really shouldn’t have done it but it can’t be changed. Let’s just make sure it doesn’t happen again, shall we?” And moving on and making sure it doesn’t happen again.

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